I have a confession to make....
Now, I know I haven't wrote in a LONG time, so this is sort of out of the blue. To be honest, I got discouraged to write from people I thought would be the most supportive of me. I no longer felt confident in opening up and writing about things. But this is something I think it's time I finally talk about...so again...
I have a confession to make...
For the past 2 1/2 years of college....I've been going to counseling services on campus.
Yes, you read correctly. A counselor....
Back at the start of my sophomore year, I was struggling. I had just begun a new relationship; the first serious relationship I had ever had, with on top of that it being a long distance one; I wasn't happy in my major, and was just overall super stressed. Going into the end of the 1st semester, I went in to see my advisor to discuss registration. Somehow, my advisor could sense I wasn't ok. That I was stressed. At least with school. She suggested to me that I schedule an appointment at counseling services with a counselor she knew was great. She even followed up with me to make sure I went and did it, because she could sense my hesitation...
And I did. I had major hesitations. I was afraid of what others would think. Again, since I was in a new relationship, I didn't want people thinking we were having problems. Also, I was afraid of what people would say. I've heard time and time again how a lot of people think counselors don't help and have a worthless degree. So, I stood at the bottom of the counseling service's stairs, reflecting if I was making a good choice. I decided it couldn't hurt to have someone to talk to, and set up my first appointment.
From that day forward, I've never regretted my decision. When I first started going to Dr. B, I was there talking about my personal life. Specifically, my insecurities within my relationship. Distance was taking a toll on me and I grew jealous of those who got to be around Nicholas all the time, while I only got to see him maybe once a week. I got jealous. Plain and simple. Jealous of the girls around him, and the ones who put moves on him. These were things I didn't feel comfortable talking about with anyone else because I didn't want those I know judging my relationship and saying it was a bad one, because it wasn't.
Over the last couple years, it's not only been my relationship I've discussed but more recently, it's been about the stress I've felt with graduation and getting a job. It was like a dark cloud was over my head and caused me to feel everything was crashing in on me because I couldn't find a job...
When I finally got offered a job, suddenly I just felt more optimistic. That even though there were still stresses with the end of my college career, they didn't feel as bad. But it's not like Dr. B magically made me feel better. With all honesty, I was the one doing all the talking. Seriously. And if you know me, you know you can believe that. For me, it was just a matter of having someone to talk to. An outside third party. This way, I could go in and be honest and most of the time, while I was in the middle of something, I would have my own realizations on the very issues I was having.
No one knew I was going. Except for Nicholas. He was the only person I ever told. I didn't want others to be disappointed. I kept it a secret. Nicholas supported me the whole way, knowing it was just something I needed to do.
So, today was my last appointment ever with Dr. B. And it ended on a good note. Just the optimism I have for the future and how far I've come in those 2 1/2 years. How much I've grown since that first day. Dr. B asked me what I thought Winona State did for me. I told her, it helped me become more confident in myself and helped me develop into the person I wanted to be.
I recently found a letter I wrote after my freshman year of college. In the letter, I stated how I know that fate brought me to Winona State for a reason. I may not know it now, but someday I will. One month later, I met the love of my life and now we both have not only grown together, but have become a part of the community in Winona. Now, I graduate in a week and start off my next chapter, in the grown up world. Haha.
Looking back, I'm so glad I decided to see Dr. B. Maybe some people will think of it as I was driven crazy enough to see a therapist, but it wasn't like that. Without visiting her every few weeks, I might have said something to someone I would regret later on. But I'm also glad I kept it to myself, well, and Nicholas. It allowed me to continue to go without feeling ashamed.
If I had any advice for someone who may be struggling, no matter how big or small, to consider counseling services at your school. Sometimes, you just need to know it's ok to ask for help. Whether its just to have someone to talk to, or if you're in serious turmoil, don't be afraid,
I finally decided to write about my experience because I felt it's a part of me that my loved ones should finally hear. I wasn't crazy, lol, I just needed someone to listen without judgement. And because of it, I've talked through issues, insecurities, and worries I may have had and grown as a student, a girlfriend, a daughter, and a friend. It's a time for reflection, but I'm ready for the next chapter.
Thank You.
