RV=???

You remember the movie RV? It starred Robin Williams as a man who takes his family on a vacation in a RV and chaos ensues. This movie....was based on my family vacations, I swear! Haha.

See instead of RV standing for Recreational Vehicle, RV=Redmond Vacation

I've been combing through old family videos of vacations for my brother's graduation video. I use clips of these old videos and use them to highlight my brother's life. However, I can't make it through any of these vacation videos without laughing until my side aches in pain.

Our family vacations were...entertaining, to say the least. Haha. Over my childhood, we traveled to: the Black Hills, Yellowstone, Las Vegas, Florida, Hawaii, Glacier National Park, Smokey Mountains, and every place in between, as most of the time we drove.

With each trip came its own set of memories and laughs. Honestly, you can take any of my family members and at some point, there is some witty comment or comeback on these tapes. We are all actually quite funny when we want to be. And of course there was fighting....okay....a lot of fighting. We were kids, what did you expect?

But grandma was always there to cut an apple to shut us up...even if only for 15 minutes. Haha.

I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. I was watching the video from our 2000 vacation to the Black Hills. Think about that...that was 15 years ago...Sam was 4, and we came upon a pack of wild donkeys in Custer State Park. Our family had brought along a bucket of corn to feed them and Sam's high pitch screaming "MOM! BEHIND YOU!" as a donkey was following her was hilarious!

Or at Glacier National Park, where the 3 of us had a snow ball fight in the middle of June. You swear to God we had never seen snow before. Haha.

It's these little memories that make up our lives. Looking back at all these times, it makes you really miss them and wonder how it went by so fast? I definitely miss our family vacations. I remember when we heard every year where we were going, us kids would grumble about visiting another National Park, but looking back, they were so much fun. We got to be outdoors and seeing some of the most beautiful scenery in this country.

And the car rides. I think people underestimate the value of car rides. Yes, it may have taken us days to travel somewhere, but that was half the fun...sometimes. Haha. It did get long at times. The 3 of us kids sitting in a cramped back seat, fighting over which movie we were going to watch next. Somehow Sam always got to choose despite him being outvoted by Krissy and I (benefits of being the baby I guess). Stopping at a rest stop so everyone can make themselves a sandwich to it. Or traveling passed a rest stop and THEN hearing, "I have to go to the bathroom!" Haha

As I graduated from college and my brother is now graduating from high school here soon, there is one thing I do wish....I wish we could go on ONE more family vacation. Just the 5 of us. To the Black Hills. Because no matter how many times we have been there, I still feel like that is our family spot. Tee Pee Campground. Heck, we are the reason why Bob and Peg (the owners) built the sleeper cabins. After that summer when we had to sleep in the shed because of severe weather and we were in tents. The last time I went to the Black Hills, it was just me, mom and Krissy. We had so much fun just us girls, but I think if all of us went one more time, it would really make the world not only for me, but everyone. Hopefully...maybe if we plan far enough in advance, we can make that happen in a future summer.

So as I continue to watch these family vacation videos, I just laugh and laugh. It's quite amusing to see how much we've all changed, and not-so-changed. Sam got a little taller, and a deeper voice. Krissy and I's fashion sense have thankfully grown. Haha. Dad has lot of the same shirts, lol. Mom's hair changes from trip to trip. These are our memories, and honestly, we probably could make a movie out of them!

So remember.....RV=REDMOND VACATION!!!

A Time For Reflection

I have a confession to make....

Now, I know I haven't wrote in a LONG time, so this is sort of out of the blue. To be honest, I got discouraged to write from people I thought would be the most supportive of me. I no longer felt confident in opening up and writing about things. But this is something I think it's time I finally talk about...so again...

I have a confession to make...

For the past 2 1/2 years of college....I've been going to counseling services on campus.

Yes, you read correctly. A counselor....

Back at the start of my sophomore year, I was struggling. I had just begun a new relationship; the first serious relationship I had ever had, with on top of that it being a long distance one; I wasn't happy in my major, and was just overall super stressed. Going into the end of the 1st semester, I went in to see my advisor to discuss registration. Somehow, my advisor could sense I wasn't ok. That I was stressed. At least with school. She suggested to me that I schedule an appointment at counseling services with a counselor she knew was great. She even followed up with me to make sure I went and did it, because she could sense my hesitation...

And I did. I had major hesitations. I was afraid of what others would think. Again, since I was in a new relationship, I didn't want people thinking we were having problems. Also, I was afraid of what people would say. I've heard time and time again how a lot of people think counselors don't help and have a worthless degree. So, I stood at the bottom of the counseling service's stairs, reflecting if I was making a good choice. I decided it couldn't hurt to have someone to talk to, and set up my first appointment.

From that day forward, I've never regretted my decision. When I first started going to Dr. B, I was there talking about my personal life. Specifically, my insecurities within my relationship. Distance was taking a toll on me and I grew jealous of those who got to be around Nicholas all the time, while I only got to see him maybe once a week. I got jealous. Plain and simple. Jealous of the girls around him, and the ones who put moves on him. These were things I didn't feel comfortable talking about with anyone else because I didn't want those I know judging my relationship and saying it was a bad one, because it wasn't.

Over the last couple years, it's not only been my relationship I've discussed but more recently, it's been about the stress I've felt with graduation and getting a job. It was like a dark cloud was over my head and caused me to feel everything was crashing in on me because I couldn't find a job...

When I finally got offered a job, suddenly I just felt more optimistic. That even though there were still stresses with the end of my college career, they didn't feel as bad. But it's not like Dr. B magically made me feel better. With all honesty, I was the one doing all the talking. Seriously. And if you know me, you know you can believe that. For me, it was just a matter of having someone to talk to. An outside third party. This way, I could go in and be honest and most of the time, while I was in the middle of something, I would have my own realizations on the very issues I was having.

No one knew I was going. Except for Nicholas. He was the only person I ever told. I didn't want others to be disappointed. I kept it a secret. Nicholas supported me the whole way, knowing it was just something I needed to do.

So, today was my last appointment ever with Dr. B. And it ended on a good note. Just the optimism I have for the future and how far I've come in those 2 1/2 years. How much I've grown since that first day. Dr. B asked me what I thought Winona State did for me. I told her, it helped me become more confident in myself and helped me develop into the person I wanted to be.

I recently found a letter I wrote after my freshman year of college. In the letter, I stated how I know that fate brought me to Winona State for a reason. I may not know it now, but someday I will. One month later, I met the love of my life and now we both have not only grown together, but have become a part of the community in Winona. Now, I graduate in a week and start off my next chapter, in the grown up world. Haha.

Looking back, I'm so glad I decided to see Dr. B. Maybe some people will think of it as I was driven crazy enough to see a therapist, but it wasn't like that. Without visiting her every few weeks, I might have said something to someone I would regret later on. But I'm also glad I kept it to myself, well, and Nicholas. It allowed me to continue to go without feeling ashamed.

If I had any advice for someone who may be struggling, no matter how big or small, to consider counseling services at your school. Sometimes, you just need to know it's ok to ask for help. Whether its just to have someone to talk to, or if you're in serious turmoil, don't be afraid,

I finally decided to write about my experience because I felt it's a part of me that my loved ones should finally hear. I wasn't crazy, lol, I just needed someone to listen without judgement. And because of it, I've talked through issues, insecurities, and worries I may have had and grown as a student, a girlfriend, a daughter, and a friend. It's a time for reflection, but I'm ready for the next chapter.

Thank You.

We're All Growing Up So Fast

I think I'm at that point in my life where I'm finally starting to realize how much time has flown these past few years. Yesterday, my little brother posted a picture on Facebook showing how his school picture frame is finally filled up with the addition on his senior picture. It just hit me, my little brother is all grown up! I'm getting old! Haha. All of these senior things he is going through right now too. This Saturday I'll be heading home to watch most likely the last hockey game I'll watch him play, and it's also senior night for the team. My mom had to make a poster of him and it's funny just looking at how little he was when he first started hockey and now he's down to his last games.

In a few months, I'll be graduating college and he'll be graduating from high school. The three of us were perfectly spaced: Kristi and I are 4 years apart, then Sam and I are 4 years apart (good one mom! haha). We'll have Sam's grad party, which means I'll be busy putting together his video of old pictures and family videos. I love going through all those pictures and home videos. Absolutely love it. It brings back memories I may have forgotten. We went on a lot of vacations growing up. Disney World, Las Vegas, Yellowstone, Glacier National Park, Hawaii, the Black Hills, Smokey Mountains, you name it! That's a lot of pictures and videos to go through! Haha.

It all seems like yesterday, but at the same time a distant memory. Sam is the baby, and will be venturing on with his own life. I know he wants to go into the Marines or Army....I'll be honest....that makes me nervous. Not that I have anything against someone choosing that path, I just never thought it'd be my own baby brother. I know people who currently serve in the armed forces and what it's like for their families. Honestly, if he ever got deployed, I'd be a nervous wreck everyday trying to drag his butt home. I know it's something he wants to do, serve his country. I guess I just wish he would get his education first. I want him to have something to fall back on. Even if its just an associates degree. Of course, he never listens to me. He just thinks I'm nagging him.

I look back at those pictures though, and you see things you didn't at the time of picture. Like, how Sam was always cuddled up to Kristi over me (because I guess Kristi was his protector...from me. lol). Or how if there is a picture of me with cake...yeah...I'm not looking at the camera, I'm staring at the cake. Mmmmmmmm, I like me some cake! Watching family videos, Sam had this obsession with doing peace signs all the time. And boy that SQUEEEEAKY high voice he had, with his BRIGHT blonde hair. Like no joke, he looked like he had white hair. Haha. And Kristi with her bicycle shorts, and me with my crop tops. I for sure couldn't wear anything like that today! Lol.

But now, it's all we have to remember. With Kristi down in Texas and seeing her only like twice a year, and with me graduating and hopefully staying in Winona, and Sam doing God knows what, will things change? I will say, I probably became closer to my family when I went to college, and especially recently. I speak to my parents on a daily basis, and even though we still fight, Sam and I are closer I feel. Kristi can be a little hard to get in touch with at times but I still keep in contact with her. Lol. So going through all this grad party prep for Sam now is exciting but sad at the same time.

We all grew up so fast. And at times, I feel glad to be grown up, but there are still times I wish we could go back to those Black Hills family trips practically every summer. For the longest time, that's where we went every year, but it never bothered us. We loved going out there. I still find myself saying the Black Hills when Nicholas asks where I'd like to go on family vacations someday. It brought so many good memories. So, going through pictures and videos kind of puts a freeze in time, even if momentarily. Mom and I have gotten some good laughs going through all of them too. Like no joke, we've cried from laughing so hard. We were an entertaining family, I will say that. Haha. Still are. We may fight and bicker at times, but we still love each other. I wish we could have another Black Hills trip together. Unfortunately, schedules never work anymore. The last trip out there I took was with Mom and Kristi after my high school graduation, and that brought some funny memories. Lol. I just miss those moments.

When did we all grow up so fast?...it's not cool. I'm so glad though we do have those pictures and videos though. No matter where we all go with our lives, we still will have each other and those memories. So, to my siblings, just know I love you both very very very much and I wish I could spend more time with you. Even if at times it may not seem like it. I don't want to end up those siblings that never speak to each other. Let's not get like that. Distance is only measured in miles, not emotions. We all grew up so fast, but that doesn't mean we can't still be those 3 kids sitting in the backseat of the van, fighting over which movie we're going to watch next, only for Grandma to say "I think I'll cut an apple" just to get us to shut up. Those memories live forever.

Happy Valentine's Day!

It's Valentine's Day <3 A day that I used to absolutely hate! Watching all these other people be all lovey and stuff....I think it made me more sad that I DIDN'T have someone to spend it with. Now a days, I wouldn't say I go over the top with the holiday, but it's definitely nice now to have Nicholas to spend it with.

I read an article a few days ago that said on average, people spend $130 on Valentine's Day. That's INSANE!!!! I have never felt like you should have to shell out that much cash just to show someone you love them. Shouldn't you be doing that on a daily basis? Showing them that you love them? I think it's ok to put a little more effort into Valentine's Day.

That's why Nicholas and I don't go as all out as most. I always tell him not to even think about spending his money buying me roses that prices are jacked up for the holiday. We get each other cards and stuff, but to me, I love just being able to spend the day with him. That's why on Valentine's Day, we make it an effort to stay in together and cook and watch movies and cuddle. Every year, we switch off who's going to cook. It was my turn this year! :D

I was so excited too! I have probably looked at Pintrest for ideas for over a month now! I got a little obsessed trying to decide the route I wanted to go. Plus, I had received a muffin/cupcake pan for Christmas that I could finally use to try some baking. I watch cooking shows ALL the time! I love them! I will say, I'm a pretty picky eater, but I love watching people cook on those shows! It inspires me to cook and bake! So I looked and pinned recipes and finally decided on a meal.

I wanted to try chicken. I've messed up chicken a couple of times because I didn't ever really know when it was fully cooked and other things. I found this recipe for called Italian Chicken Cordon Bleu. It's basically chicken cordon bleu except instead of ham, I used pepperoni. Then, for dessert, I wanted to make cupcakes. Now, I'm a vanilla cupcake person myself, however, Nicholas only likes chocolate or marble. Since I wasn't sure I could do marble on my first try, I decided to try chocolate cupcakes. I found a basic recipe and a chocolate buttercream frosting and gave it a try. Oh my lord, they turned out so great! I was so proud of myself! I couldn't believe it! For my personal touch, I added some chocolate chips as garnish. So it was like a chocolate overload cupcake. 

Nicholas LOVED them! I was so happy he did! He loved the whole meal! I didn't allow him to step foot in the kitchen all day or know what I was cooking. I wanted it to be a surprise! And it was! There's been times where I cook something and I know he didn't like it, so I'm so happy he liked this! It made it a successful Valentine's Day dinner! 

I've always believed that you don't have to go out and do something for Valentine's Day. For me, we can go out to dinner and a movie any night of the week. And since this is the busiest night of the year for that, I think we have a good plan at just staying home and having a special day to ourselves. It's just as romantic as anything else, plus we don't have to worry about spending all this money. I love just these precious moments we get to ourselves! I'm also happy that I got to try out some new recipes and building my confidence in my cooking skills! :) Happy Valentine's Day everyone! <3 I posted a few pictures below of the meal I cooked! It was yummy!!!!

What Happened to the Multi-Sport Athlete???

So, for those of you who don't know this, my boyfriend Nicholas is a baseball coach at Cotter High School. It's a great opportunity for him and he very much enjoys it. I like to tag along to practices and game because it's fun to be involved and for the boys to know who I am. They all like to call me their "Den Mother." Haha. I guess I have to smile at that.

One thing I've started to notice though when I hear these boys talk, is while many of them play multiple high school sports, they basically are only committed to one sport. Today, while hanging out at the batting cages while some of the boys hit, Nicholas asked one of the boys if he had a basketball game tonight. The boy responded that he did, and it confused us. The bus had already left for the game, since JV and Varsity have to ride together. He looked at us and went "but baseball is more important." I sat there shocked. This boy came to the batting cages before heading to work for like an hour and then was going to drive to the game only shortly before it started. Like what!?!? How in the world does the coach allow this?

This kid literally made it so obvious that he only really cared about baseball and the other sports are just there to keep him in shape. Heck, last fall I asked a parent about their football team and their response was, "we're not a football school. Everyone is just here to keep busy until baseball." I just couldn't believe it. The fact that today's kids aren't really as well-rounded and as everyone thinks...

What happened to three-sport athletes? Like true three-sport athletes! The one that put his heart and soul into every sport, and coaches understood their needed to be balance. Today, if you aren't 150% dedicated to one sport, you'll never make it. Sport seasons overlap way too much today. I remember when I was in high school, if you had another sport during off-season for another, you had to choose. It was horrible. And if you didn't choose right, forget it, you were never making varsity. I grew up in a very big school though and it's the unfortunate culture of sports today. In the school like Cotter though? Not very big and should be the display of three-sport athletes. But no.

It's just sad. It made me look at Nicholas and told him that if one day he got to a school district that doesn't support multiple-sport athletes and he would fall into that trend, I would set him straight. A high school should not be a "football school" or "basketball school", etc. When I think of that, I think of Hopkins. They suck at practically every sport, but basketball. Of course, that's a whole other topic (*cough cough* recruitment*). lol. It shouldn't be happening in a community like Winona.

Cotter's football team....they sucked this year. Like...horrible! I think I'm starting to see why though. These kids aren't committed. They're hiring a new coach this year and Nicholas is hoping to get on the staff next season and we just have talks about how they need to get these kids back into the passion of football, because a couple years ago, Cotter had a good program. Nicholas played Cotter his senior year and almost got beat by them. So, I'm hoping they'll bring in a coach that will get these kids in the weight room and working hard to improve their team.

The culture of today that a student can only focus hardcore on one sport is ridiculous. I can understand if a student just only likes to play one sport, but the ones who play other sports but don't really care...you're not helping your team or your school.

What happened to the multi-sport athlete?....society that's what.

Don't Censor Me!

It's come to my attention that some people don't exactly like my blog and some earlier postings that I had and are trying to censor my writing. I get it, not everyone will always like your writing or your topics, but that's all apart of the game. People seem to forget that I started this blog to freely express myself, and to communicate feelings of mine to people I find difficult to really get to and reach.

I found out that some people are trying to give me some "friendly advice" about my blog. That I need to be careful about what I post because they "care about my public profile for future employers." Trust me, I've already thought about that. You do have to be careful about what you put on the internet these days, but how will writing a blog about my feelings affect me? I don't swear in here, I don't purposefully attack people. and if they do feel attacked, it's not my intention. It is my purpose to write this as professionally as possible while also discussing my personal feelings. These same people though won't actually speak to me about it...they have other people tell me. They aren't worried about my professional profile, they're concerned about me airing out issues for everyone to see. Afraid that now people will see the other side of something when all they've heard is the one side. So, yes, I feel a need to express my perceptions of things.

Before I started writing this blog, I kept my writing to personal journals and notebooks that whenever inspiration hit or something happened, I could write and yes, rant. I still write in those journals, but I also use this as a way to communicate to other people what I'm feeling. How is it my fault that someone can't understand or see what I'm saying? I got told that I need to leave my personal life for those notebooks and not bring up past incidences to the public eye. Why not? These "past incidence" people claim are resolved, really aren't. How can an issue be resolved when the two parties involved don't discuss and agree it's been resolved? It puzzles me. I just get appalled when people tell me what to do.

Why must people feel like they can censor MY writing? My purpose is to never just come on here and rant and rave about something that makes me angry. I may write about a topic that DOES anger me, but I do it in a way that I express those feelings in an artistic writing sense. Or at least try to.

Most people have been supportive of this blog and I've greatly appreciated it. I was scared to start this whole thing because I was afraid of how people would react. My family has been super supportive of my writing. So, just because a couple people don't like what I'm writing, doesn't mean I'm going to stop. I just think to myself, "if you don't want me to write about you, then don't do something to make me feeling like I have to in the first place." Haha. I'm just saying. There's always two sides to every story, and if I feel like people are only hearing one side, then why can't I express myself so it 1) opens peoples' perspective and 2) makes me feel better.

That's what writing does for me. It makes me feel better. I think I'm pretty good at writing too. It's just something I've always enjoyed doing and want to continue. Heck, I'm a marketing student, we constantly are writing! Haha.

So don't censor me! I'm not on here to purposefully hurt anyone or attack. I'm just expressing myself. I try to do it in the most tasteful and respectful way. Am I perfect? No. I can let feelings get the best of me, but maybe if people read what I'm truly feeling, they can understand and then come to me and discuss things. To those of you who have been so supportive of my writing, I do thank you. It's really helped me even in these first few weeks. I feel like I can start letting certain things off my chest that I have kept hidden and private in the past. I let things build and then I blow, so I feel this has been better for me. I've been able to connect more with some people and open that conversation up with people I may have been afraid to in the past.

I plan to continue writing frequently and honestly. I hope people continue to read, but if you can't handle hearing MY truth and MY opinion, then I guess you don't have to read it. Just don't go and try and tell me how I should write about my own blog. It's those people who are trying to censor me are the ones I'm trying to reach the most.

Because Brother Told Me So

Well, my little brother told me that I needed to write a blog all about him, so here you go Sam, I'm writing about you.

Just maybe not exactly what you had in mind though...

Don't click on the X button quite yet there though. This is something I think everyone could relate to. It may be hard to hear but its something that needs to be said.

My brother is at a important moment in his life. High school will soon come to an end and the rest of his life begins. Four years ago, I was in the same position. I'm in that type of situation right now with college ending for me soon. It's scary to think about the future, which I think has made him not want to.

Today, at his hockey game, my brother got into a fight. And not just a typical fight...I mean, he came in swinging at a kid with punches. Normally, I would cheer for him when he stood up for himself in a game, but this went too far. He claims he was defending his teammate but this just wasn't the way to go about it. Sorry Sam, it wasn't. You may roll your eyes at mom and I, but believe it or not, you took it too far. And to be honest, recently, you've taken a lot of things too far.

It seems like teenagers have so much attitude today. I know, I know, pot calling the kettle black. Trust me, I was no angel. I could cuss like a sailor and have an attitude to match. I never had the anger I see today. My brother, he's angry at everything. He doesn't care about anything. Honestly....I worry about him.

He believes I don't want him to succeed and I don't care where he goes in life...he's absolutely wrong. Not that he would believe that....

I was the middle child. Equal years apart from both my younger and older sibling. Growing up, I've have to say, I was the one who supported the others the most. I have been to practically all my siblings sports games over the years. Even when I went to college, I tried to make it to as many games of my brothers as possible. I took pictures of him, made team videos, and will prepare not only his grad party invites, but his grad party video as well. Hours of work, but worth it for him. I have and always have been both of their #1 fans. Looking back though...neither of my siblings ever came to my stuff. Like ever. Sorry guys, you didn't.

So, back on track, I think my brother thinks everyone is just out to get him. We're not. I've noticed over the past few months, he's just gotten so resistant to anyone and everyone, maybe except him friends. I know, that's being a teenager, but this is different. It's like he doesn't even care about what's ahead. He tries to excuse himself by just saying he's not as smart as Kristi or I, but that's not true. We applied ourselves to succeed, and if he did too, he could...no WOULD succeed. I want him to. I just want him to realize that when we are telling him something, we're not doing it to be jerks.

So today, I was disappointed. It's one thing to stand up for a friend....it's another to turn a simple situation into a brawl because you can. Life isn't a hockey game...you don't just get a 2:00 penalty, you get 2 years jail. High school may be fun and all, but it's time to grow up. We all have to do it. I'll be here to support you, just don't push me away. I may not be your favorite sister (that belongs to the other one. lol), but I am the one who's been there for you every step of the way, even if your memory doesn't quite remember that. I hope you're reading this and realize that yes, we may yell at you sometimes, but we're not evil or just picking on you. I know you can do more for yourself, and I just want to see that. Believe in yourself like I believe in you. I don't give you excuses, I never have and never will, but I always believe in you.

Don't be that guy that was out on the ice tonight. Be better than that. I know you can. The puck is in your zone...what are you going to do with it?

Hard Work Pays Off

Yesterday was a momentous occasion. Nearly 6 months after his surgery, with 5 of those months spent in physical therapy, Nicholas is finally done. So much work and commitment has been put into this. It's weird to think that a year ago, we were only TALKING about getting the surgery done.

Back in high school, he tore his labrum in his right shoulder and he was constantly in pain. It was hard to watch him because at certain times, if he even moved the wrong way, he'd have shooting pain in his shoulder. The surgery was put off nearly a year later than it should have, but when he finally had it scheduled, it was a relief. We knew it was going to be a good thing.

Surgery day came and everything went well. Except maybe putting his IV in...that was probably the hardest part for his nurses. Haha. It was a long day though. We were there a good 8 hours at least that day.

The surgery overall went well though and he was doing good. That was until all the drugs wore off and the pain kicked in. Back spasms galore and just the pain from having surgery. It was hard to watch him suffering like that. Obviously as time went on, it got better, but those first few days were hard. Plus keeping track of all his meds was the trick, which meant waking up practically every hour to give him something new or changing out his ice.

Then he started physical therapy, and that first day seemed like it'd take him forever to recover. He could barely move his arm and just was nowhere near where they thought he'd be. He continued to work hard though, going twice a week. I have to give it to the people at Sport & Spine Physical Therapy. They were so great with him, and me too. I kind of became a fixture at the place when I went to therapy with him. They'd all come over and chat with me and everything. It was nice to be there too. I got to witness his progress and learn too about what he should be doing at home.

As the months went on, his flexibility increased and his strength began to come back. He worked hard, and was just happy to not have that pain he had only a few months prior. Finally, February 2nd marked his last day. Nearly 6 months after his surgery and his shoulder is back to proper shape. All that pain and struggle he faced during that time paid off. Now, he can do what he wants without fear of pain.

It was the main reason he did this. As he would state, "I wanted this done so some day I could lift up my kids." Most people thought it was because of baseball and I won't deny that has something to do with it. Lol. He can't help himself. Heck, part of his therapy involved throwing in a baseball motion. We look back now though and are so grateful he was able to have this done. It was probably one of the best decisions he ever made. I am so proud of all his hard work and am so happy I got to be with him through this journey. Hard work does pay off. It may suck in the beginning, but you eventually get to that day where you can look back and be thankful you did it.

Family Ties

Today is the 9th birthday of my boyfriend's little brother, David. 9 years old and has the energy of a lifetime. Obviously since both Nicholas and I are down at school, we don't get to see him, but we still make sure he knows we're thinking of him. It's hard ya know? I have one older sibling and a brother who's in his senior year of high school. We all grew up together and got to see each other's big moments. It's not a big deal when we miss certain things now a days because that's what distance and age does. Then there's Nicholas...he's also has a brother who's a senior in high school and then there's little David. A good 12 years younger than Nicholas. It's made it hard for us to make sure he knows that we'll be there for him as well, because as he grows up, we're not going to always physically be there.

It makes me think about the connection of families. I'm pretty close to my family (pictured). I talk to my mom practically every day and communicate frequently with everyone else as much as I can. Except maybe my brother. Haha, whenever I come home it's always "ugh, you again." I'll just say it's the teenage grumpiness that dictates that. Lol. On the other side though, I wouldn't say I'm as close to Nicholas's family. To be perfectly honest, I've always felt like they aren't too fond of me. Yes, they tolerate me and are nice to me, but they never really let me get too close. It's hard because I try really hard to make sure we are close to both sets of parents. And since Nicholas does have such a younger brother, I want to make sure Nicholas is there for his life events too. The thing is though...yes, they want him there...me? Not so much I think. 

From the moment we started dating, it's just felt awkward with me and them. I've always gotten the sense that they feel like I'm taking their oldest son away. When Nicholas moved down here for school, he has become more independent and not afraid to speak his mind. Is that partly because of me? Probably. I'm very outspoken and loud (if you ask my mother. Lol.) and have been out on my own a little longer. I never meant for them to feel like I was the enemy. But I am. 

I became the enemy because I wasn't afraid of them. I barely listened to my own parents, why would I let someone else's tell me what I can and can't do? When it comes to our relationship, Nicholas and I are the only ones that get to make decisions. There has been blow up moments between me and them, and all out WW3 sometimes. It's expanded to involve people that it shouldn't and things now seem tarnished. For a lot of people reading this, you know what happened, so I don't really have to explain. For those who don't, that's ok, I'd prefer if you didn't. 

So why write about this then? Well...honestly, because I'm tired of being silent about it. I know most people go through troubles with in-laws. Heck, most of my co-workers could tell me hours of stories. It helped hearing them too. Knowing I wasn't crazy for standing up for myself. 

The thing though....is I don't know if they realized how much it's tarnishing their relationship with their own son. Don't get me wrong, he still loves his family to death, but every time they do or say something to me, it only makes him not want to be around them. If they are reading this, this isn't me threatening you, it's me telling you what's going on. I don't want it to be someday where I can't be around them, but parents on both sides need to start realizing that we are not 13 anymore. We may still be young but we aren't dumb. We know what we want and what's best for us. Yes, I still have to call my mom or dad for advice, but it doesn't make me a child because I do so. We're growing up...let us. We don't need rules or conditions. Just let us grow. 

My parents brought me up to be a very independent person and not allow people to walk all over me...and I don't. I may still need my mom sometimes, but she also understands that I need to go out and figure things out for myself. I thank her for that. My dad may lecture me all the time, and sometimes I need it, sometimes I don't. But at the end of the day, he still let's me be me. 

So today I think about (despite the fact it's a weekday), would we be there celebrating this occasion? I want him to be there for everyone, but he doesn't want to be there if I don't feel welcome. And for me, honestly, I feel like they need to get used to us not ALWAYS being there because in the future when we have our own jobs and family, we might not always be able to. It's a complicated topic and we're still figuring it out. I want good relationships between us and both of our families, I do. I think people believe I don't try but I do. I try all the time.

Goals and Dreams

Goals and dreams...something everyone has in their life. Some change as time goes on, some stay with you forever. And then there those that have changed for you, but to others, believe are still there. 

When I was about 14 years old, I stated that my ultimate goal in life was to buy the New York Yankees, just so I could run them into the ground. It's something a lot of people have gotten a good laugh out of over the years. So, obviously, as I got older, people have always TOLD me that my goal is to work in sports. I mean, yes, sure, that it my dream. I would love to work in sports some day. Absolutely. However, is it my #1 priority as of right now? No. 

When I came to college, I started off as an accounting major, wanting to become a CPA someday. Man, was I wrong. I wasn't really any good at my accounting classes, and honestly, I had no passion for it. I ended up switching my major to marketing about half way through school. Thankfully, a lot of the core business classes were the same, so I'm happily graduating on time this Spring. So, now I'm in the process of that dreadful job search...

"We're looking for someone with experience." The same line I've heard over and over from HR people. I just keep thinking to myself, "how am I suppose to get experience if no one will give me experience???" It's frustrating and kind of defeating at times. And then, it gets even more difficult trying to defend my choices to other people. I'm looking to stick around Winona to stay close to my boyfriend, Nicholas. He has a few more years left in school. 

Automatically when I tell people that, people automatically assume I'm giving up everything for a man and he's forcing me to stay. It's quite the opposite. He's the one constantly telling me that if I needed to leave for work, then he would support me and following me in a few years. However...staying here is MY choice. We did the long distance thing at the beginning of our relationship. I HATED it. So, why is staying around Winona so bad? It's a good town, and I have access of other surrounding cities I can work in. I need that experience anyways right? That's what I can do down here. Get experience so when he does graduate and we might have to move, I have experience to get a job more towards what I want. To be honest, I don't really know what kind of job I want right now. I'm still learning about myself. Your first job isn't always the perfect one anyways. 

To be perfect honest too...the perfect job isn't my #1 goal. Want to know what is? Being a mom. I may be years away from that, but down the line, that's what I want to be. I've always wanted to be a mom, have a big family, and be that sports family. Haha. There are things I know need to be done before thinking about kids, but don't be fooled. I would choose my family over any job. 

Then, there's the opposite side of the spectrum. There are a lot of people out there that believe I am holding Nicholas back. When he chose Winona State, everyone assumed it was only because of me. WRONG! People didn't want to believe that though because he didn't chose a school they wanted just so he could play football (even though both of those school's teams aren't very good fyi). He had a bad shoulder though. A torn labrum. He was constantly in pain. Now, he has it fixed and it's been so amazing for him. However, the best part of him coming here? His education. He's received so many opportunities while being down here. Working in elementary schools, coaching, you name it. So many good things for him. But people only see what they want to see. 

Everyone believes we hold each other back, when in reality, we are each other's biggest supporters. We work hard at school to prove to those who told us our grades would slip. We each have our own things going for us, and are always there to encourage each other. This job hunt for me is stressful, and some days I just cry because I'm afraid I won't find something. He's right there telling me he believes in me and that it will all work out. That I just have to be patient. He's been offered some coaching jobs, and I'm right there pushing him to do it. It's what he wants to do: coach. Whether its high school, college, or professional. Wherever we have to go, that's what we'll do.
We will work as a team to accomplish BOTH of our goals. We're a team. We always will be. 

People say we are too young to be too serious. I don't think people want to believe that we can do this together. But I know we can. We push each other to accomplish our goals and dreams, no matter how many we have or even when they change every other day. We're there for each other. I hope others will see that and decide that instead of fighting our choices, they support them and cheer us on along the way. We will continue on no matter what people say or think, so it doesn't help them to bring us down. 

Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend.

The perfect and precise cut. The utmost best color. A sight so beautiful, it can bring tears to your eyes. A diamond IS a girl's best friend!!!

Oh...I'm sorry, did you think I was talking about that kind of diamond???? No no no. I'm talking about the OTHER diamond in a girl's life.

The baseball diamond. A sight I wish to see hundreds of times in my lifetime. The sight of that just cut of green grass, the smell of hot dogs and peanuts in the distance, and the tune of "Take Me Out To the Ball Game" playing in the background. This is where I'm meant to be. 

In the first post, I spoke of how my favorite quote to live by is from Yogi Berra: one of the greatest baseball players to EVER live! This is where I am quite different than most girls my age. Boys...I probably know more about baseball than you EVER will. Sorry. Haha.

My love for baseball came from my dad, who got it from my grandpa. In fact, my dad told me once about how my grandpa played with a guy that got a call to come down to the St. Louis Cardinals. That's a pretty cool story to have. In 2006, my dad took my little brother and I on our first of many trips. I had been to baseball games before, watching my beloved Minnesota Twins, but this was my first time ever watching a game in-person outside of the Metrodome. He took us to a Twins game in Chicago to U.S. Cellular Field to watch the Twins take on the White Sox, who had just won the World Series the year before. It was only the beginning for my love of baseball.

Every year from then on, we travel to a new ballpark to the watch the Twins. I've seen the stadiums of the Chicago White Sox, Milwaukee Brewers, Kansas City Royals, Cleveland Indians, Texas Rangers, Pittsburgh Pirates, Cincinnati Reds, Detroit Tigers, and the Colorado Rockies. Each an experience I will never forget. My passion for the game grew more and more. I learned as much as I could. Not only about the ins and outs of the game itself, but its history. I thrive on learning of past great legends of the game. Babe Ruth, Tedd Williams, Joe Dimaggio, Harmon Killebrew, Stan "The Man" Musial, Yogi Berra, so many to name, it'd take me forever. I literally sat for days watching the Baseball documentary Ken Burns made years ago. It fascinated me!

To many of my friends growing up, they didn't understand my love for the game. To them, baseball was the most boring sport to watch because nothing happened too often. I see it differently. Something new is always happening every few seconds...that is, if you are watching carefully. 

I saw something today on the Twins' Facebook page that it's down to 25 days until pitchers and catchers report to spring training. Makes me happy because I'm ready for baseball again. It's something that my dad and I can connect on. I could probably sit for hours with him and chat about baseball. In fact, a couple days ago, we had about a 30 minute conversation simply on the topic of the new Commissioner considering banning the defensive shift (which don't get me started by the way on that). It's also something for my mom and I to watch together on TV. It gives me a unique connection to each of them, because no offense to my siblings, but baseball just isn't your thing. Haha. 

So that's why I look to Yogi Berra so much for inspiration. Baseball in general brings me inspiration. Baseball allows you to see that it's ok to fail sometimes. Think about it...Ted Williams posted a .405 average in 1941, the last major leaguer to post an above .400 average in a single season. To achieve this, it still meant that only 4 out of every 10 at bats, he hit the ball. The other 6 times, he failed. Yet, he is seen as a great. That's what makes baseball amazing. There's so much going on in such a simple game. It's America's past time. When I met my boyfriend, Nicholas, I remember his great-grandma telling me that he was hard to talk to because all he talked about was baseball. I looked at her and went, "So?" It was the connection of baseball that brought us together and keeps us close. It's something in common we can all do together. I wish I could go to more games, and hope I can when I'm older and can afford it. Haha. I'd love to attend an Opening Day game one day too. Just one of many things on my baseball bucket list.

So, see....diamonds are a girl's best friend. Maybe not the diamond all girls want, but for me, it's better than any diamond jewelry. Counting down to Spring Training and Opening Day!

Bullying Doesn't Define You

I'll admit, I'm one of those people that during the day when I don't have my computer in front of me to write is when I have all this inspiration but as soon as I get in front of my computer...nothing...earlier today I tried to sit down and write and just couldn't get my thoughts together. I finally just had to tell myself that I don't necessarily have to have something exact to write about. This blog is meant as a way to express myself, so that's what I'm going to do.

Today, on my way to work, I heard a commercial come on. Now, I work in a second grade classroom as a tutor for my work study job at school. I'm not majoring in education  but it's a good way for me to earn some money and get away from campus a bit. Anyways, I heard this commercial come on the radio. It was an anti-bullying advertisement. In it, there were a variety of kids stating phrases such as:

"Today at lunch, I learned that I am loser. Today at school, I learned everything except the subject I was in."

The commercial hit home for me. Just a few days ago in my classroom, we had some guest speakers come in and talk about bullying. They did a little play for the kids and all I could think to myself was how easy they were making the stopping of someone bullying you. Now, I've seen and heard bullying already in second grade, SECOND GRADE...it's sad. As adults in the school, you do everything you can to stop it, but it happens. It happened to me....

Growing up, I was different from a lot of kids, girls especially. I was a big tomboy from a young age. When I was really little, I used to wear dresses and all that, but I grew up in a neighborhood mostly of boys, so that quickly changed. I was super into sports and heck, even in elementary school wished I was a boy at times because it just would have made life easier. I was the one playing football with the boys and was the tough one. I didn't and still don't let people push me around and I wasn't afraid to stick up for myself. Of course, as you go through school, your labels stick with you. I never really outgrew the whole tomboy thing, so guys never really saw me as a girl they could like or date. Girls on the other hand either 1) were scared of me, 2) made fun of me because I didn't primp myself, or 3) Use me as their "bodyguard" type. I was made fun of all the time. I was the scapegoat and the easy target. I still remember the names I was called, by both guys and girls. Most of the time, I could roll it off my chest, but I mean, I'm still human right?

I didn't have a ton of friends in high school. And the ones I THOUGHT were my friends, were the worst ones at digging into me. Sometimes I just ignored them, other times I fought back, which only motivated them more because I reacted to them. It really made me miserable during high school. I couldn't really escape either because all my school activities had all those people ready and willing to go after me. Looking back, there could have been so many things I could have done to stop it all or deal with it better, but that's the point of the past...you learn.

So, as I listened to that commercial today, I couldn't help but think of how true it was. I was a good student and all and I learned a lot in school, but yeah...most days I went to school finding out some new name people made up or what new they wanted to pick at me on. Was I perfect? By no means, absolutely not. I'm sure there are people I went to school with that thought I was a total and complete bitch. I wish that wasn't true but I know it is. That's why that commercial really hit home with me...

I was that person...the child speaking in the commercial. There were days I just came home and lied about my day or went up to my room and cried myself to sleep sometimes. But the very next morning, I woke up and put on a smile and faced those people every day.

As much as bullying exists and continues to exist, I don't think people realize...it'll never end. No matter how much you try, it's the nature of kids to pick on the weak and easy targets. What I learned from being picked on as I've looked back on my past...I came to a fork in the road...and I took it. Those people who targeted me didn't win...I still continued on with my life and hell, if I saw those people today, I'd probably say hello to them, wondering how their life is going. I do use it though as motivation. Those boys who didn't take a second look at me in high school, well....I didn't need them...I found my Prince Charming, and he loves me for all my quirks (plus, he loves having someone who's into sports just as much as him! Haha). To the girls who thought I was weird because I was different...I'm still different, and I use all those mean comments as motivation to succeed to the best of my ability.

Hearing that commercial today brought back a lot of memories...but it also made me see how far I have come since then. I think I have grown so much as a person in my time in college, and that's where it really counts. You never really do forget the comments people make about you...they stick with you unfortunately...but you don't have to let it define you. It's a memory for me...a reminder...so I never allow anyone else to ever do that to me again. So to all those people who picked on me growing up, this is my "F-you" to you guys. I am for sure not the same person I was back then, and in all honesty, you missed out on getting to know a pretty great person I believe. Of course, I am a little biased. You guys led me straight to a fork in the road...and guess what?....I took it!

Fork in the road? Take it!

Fork in the road, take it? Sounds like a pretty strange saying, I know. I didn't quite understand it at first either when I first heard it. "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." A wise quote said by one of the most influential baseball players in history. Yogi Berra. Normally, I would never look up a Yankee (damn Yankees!) but Yogi I can't resist. Not only for what he did in baseball, but all the inspirational yogi-isms over the years. It inspired me. While most people don't understand it, it made complete sense to me and has been my quote as I've gone through life.

To me, there's always going to be forks in the road. Pick way A or B and a situation C or D will occur. I've been through plenty of those moments in my life. Starting when I was young, it was the choice to choose basketball or hockey (which to this day, I still regret my choice!). At the end of high school, it was which college to choose. Then which major, which career, everything. Life became one fork after another! Now in my senior year of college, that fork in the road is a choice that I feel I have a million influences on me...and I just wish I knew which way to go.

 It's the whole reason I've decided to start this blog. With all the stress and decisions in my life, writing is my escape. Most people don't know this about me, but I love to write. Writing lets me escape and unload things that have been bothering me. As I was setting up this blog, I was trying to think of a creative name that wasn't generic but spoke to who I was. I didn't know what to put....then it hit me. 

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it." 

That quote that has been such an inspiration to me for so many years. Life isn't always about taking path A or B, but just to keep going and seeing where it takes you. I don't know if that's what Yogi meant by it, but that's my interpretation. 

So, it became official. Within this blog, I hope to write about not only about the present, but also the future and the past. So many people say not to look at the past, but to me, it's everything that has made me who I am today. The future may seem unclear most of the time, but I never lose sight of it. Whether or not this blog is seen by a million people or just one, it's worth writing. This is the start of something good for me. I've come to my fork in the road....and I'm taking it! Thanks Yogi!

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