I'll admit, I'm one of those people that during the day when I don't have my computer in front of me to write is when I have all this inspiration but as soon as I get in front of my computer...nothing...earlier today I tried to sit down and write and just couldn't get my thoughts together. I finally just had to tell myself that I don't necessarily have to have something exact to write about. This blog is meant as a way to express myself, so that's what I'm going to do.
Today, on my way to work, I heard a commercial come on. Now, I work in a second grade classroom as a tutor for my work study job at school. I'm not majoring in education but it's a good way for me to earn some money and get away from campus a bit. Anyways, I heard this commercial come on the radio. It was an anti-bullying advertisement. In it, there were a variety of kids stating phrases such as:
"Today at lunch, I learned that I am loser. Today at school, I learned everything except the subject I was in."
The commercial hit home for me. Just a few days ago in my classroom, we had some guest speakers come in and talk about bullying. They did a little play for the kids and all I could think to myself was how easy they were making the stopping of someone bullying you. Now, I've seen and heard bullying already in second grade, SECOND GRADE...it's sad. As adults in the school, you do everything you can to stop it, but it happens. It happened to me....
Growing up, I was different from a lot of kids, girls especially. I was a big tomboy from a young age. When I was really little, I used to wear dresses and all that, but I grew up in a neighborhood mostly of boys, so that quickly changed. I was super into sports and heck, even in elementary school wished I was a boy at times because it just would have made life easier. I was the one playing football with the boys and was the tough one. I didn't and still don't let people push me around and I wasn't afraid to stick up for myself. Of course, as you go through school, your labels stick with you. I never really outgrew the whole tomboy thing, so guys never really saw me as a girl they could like or date. Girls on the other hand either 1) were scared of me, 2) made fun of me because I didn't primp myself, or 3) Use me as their "bodyguard" type. I was made fun of all the time. I was the scapegoat and the easy target. I still remember the names I was called, by both guys and girls. Most of the time, I could roll it off my chest, but I mean, I'm still human right?
I didn't have a ton of friends in high school. And the ones I THOUGHT were my friends, were the worst ones at digging into me. Sometimes I just ignored them, other times I fought back, which only motivated them more because I reacted to them. It really made me miserable during high school. I couldn't really escape either because all my school activities had all those people ready and willing to go after me. Looking back, there could have been so many things I could have done to stop it all or deal with it better, but that's the point of the past...you learn.
So, as I listened to that commercial today, I couldn't help but think of how true it was. I was a good student and all and I learned a lot in school, but yeah...most days I went to school finding out some new name people made up or what new they wanted to pick at me on. Was I perfect? By no means, absolutely not. I'm sure there are people I went to school with that thought I was a total and complete bitch. I wish that wasn't true but I know it is. That's why that commercial really hit home with me...
I was that person...the child speaking in the commercial. There were days I just came home and lied about my day or went up to my room and cried myself to sleep sometimes. But the very next morning, I woke up and put on a smile and faced those people every day.
As much as bullying exists and continues to exist, I don't think people realize...it'll never end. No matter how much you try, it's the nature of kids to pick on the weak and easy targets. What I learned from being picked on as I've looked back on my past...I came to a fork in the road...and I took it. Those people who targeted me didn't win...I still continued on with my life and hell, if I saw those people today, I'd probably say hello to them, wondering how their life is going. I do use it though as motivation. Those boys who didn't take a second look at me in high school, well....I didn't need them...I found my Prince Charming, and he loves me for all my quirks (plus, he loves having someone who's into sports just as much as him! Haha). To the girls who thought I was weird because I was different...I'm still different, and I use all those mean comments as motivation to succeed to the best of my ability.
Hearing that commercial today brought back a lot of memories...but it also made me see how far I have come since then. I think I have grown so much as a person in my time in college, and that's where it really counts. You never really do forget the comments people make about you...they stick with you unfortunately...but you don't have to let it define you. It's a memory for me...a reminder...so I never allow anyone else to ever do that to me again. So to all those people who picked on me growing up, this is my "F-you" to you guys. I am for sure not the same person I was back then, and in all honesty, you missed out on getting to know a pretty great person I believe. Of course, I am a little biased. You guys led me straight to a fork in the road...and guess what?....I took it!
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