Hard Work Pays Off

Yesterday was a momentous occasion. Nearly 6 months after his surgery, with 5 of those months spent in physical therapy, Nicholas is finally done. So much work and commitment has been put into this. It's weird to think that a year ago, we were only TALKING about getting the surgery done.

Back in high school, he tore his labrum in his right shoulder and he was constantly in pain. It was hard to watch him because at certain times, if he even moved the wrong way, he'd have shooting pain in his shoulder. The surgery was put off nearly a year later than it should have, but when he finally had it scheduled, it was a relief. We knew it was going to be a good thing.

Surgery day came and everything went well. Except maybe putting his IV in...that was probably the hardest part for his nurses. Haha. It was a long day though. We were there a good 8 hours at least that day.

The surgery overall went well though and he was doing good. That was until all the drugs wore off and the pain kicked in. Back spasms galore and just the pain from having surgery. It was hard to watch him suffering like that. Obviously as time went on, it got better, but those first few days were hard. Plus keeping track of all his meds was the trick, which meant waking up practically every hour to give him something new or changing out his ice.

Then he started physical therapy, and that first day seemed like it'd take him forever to recover. He could barely move his arm and just was nowhere near where they thought he'd be. He continued to work hard though, going twice a week. I have to give it to the people at Sport & Spine Physical Therapy. They were so great with him, and me too. I kind of became a fixture at the place when I went to therapy with him. They'd all come over and chat with me and everything. It was nice to be there too. I got to witness his progress and learn too about what he should be doing at home.

As the months went on, his flexibility increased and his strength began to come back. He worked hard, and was just happy to not have that pain he had only a few months prior. Finally, February 2nd marked his last day. Nearly 6 months after his surgery and his shoulder is back to proper shape. All that pain and struggle he faced during that time paid off. Now, he can do what he wants without fear of pain.

It was the main reason he did this. As he would state, "I wanted this done so some day I could lift up my kids." Most people thought it was because of baseball and I won't deny that has something to do with it. Lol. He can't help himself. Heck, part of his therapy involved throwing in a baseball motion. We look back now though and are so grateful he was able to have this done. It was probably one of the best decisions he ever made. I am so proud of all his hard work and am so happy I got to be with him through this journey. Hard work does pay off. It may suck in the beginning, but you eventually get to that day where you can look back and be thankful you did it.

Family Ties

Today is the 9th birthday of my boyfriend's little brother, David. 9 years old and has the energy of a lifetime. Obviously since both Nicholas and I are down at school, we don't get to see him, but we still make sure he knows we're thinking of him. It's hard ya know? I have one older sibling and a brother who's in his senior year of high school. We all grew up together and got to see each other's big moments. It's not a big deal when we miss certain things now a days because that's what distance and age does. Then there's Nicholas...he's also has a brother who's a senior in high school and then there's little David. A good 12 years younger than Nicholas. It's made it hard for us to make sure he knows that we'll be there for him as well, because as he grows up, we're not going to always physically be there.

It makes me think about the connection of families. I'm pretty close to my family (pictured). I talk to my mom practically every day and communicate frequently with everyone else as much as I can. Except maybe my brother. Haha, whenever I come home it's always "ugh, you again." I'll just say it's the teenage grumpiness that dictates that. Lol. On the other side though, I wouldn't say I'm as close to Nicholas's family. To be perfectly honest, I've always felt like they aren't too fond of me. Yes, they tolerate me and are nice to me, but they never really let me get too close. It's hard because I try really hard to make sure we are close to both sets of parents. And since Nicholas does have such a younger brother, I want to make sure Nicholas is there for his life events too. The thing is though...yes, they want him there...me? Not so much I think. 

From the moment we started dating, it's just felt awkward with me and them. I've always gotten the sense that they feel like I'm taking their oldest son away. When Nicholas moved down here for school, he has become more independent and not afraid to speak his mind. Is that partly because of me? Probably. I'm very outspoken and loud (if you ask my mother. Lol.) and have been out on my own a little longer. I never meant for them to feel like I was the enemy. But I am. 

I became the enemy because I wasn't afraid of them. I barely listened to my own parents, why would I let someone else's tell me what I can and can't do? When it comes to our relationship, Nicholas and I are the only ones that get to make decisions. There has been blow up moments between me and them, and all out WW3 sometimes. It's expanded to involve people that it shouldn't and things now seem tarnished. For a lot of people reading this, you know what happened, so I don't really have to explain. For those who don't, that's ok, I'd prefer if you didn't. 

So why write about this then? Well...honestly, because I'm tired of being silent about it. I know most people go through troubles with in-laws. Heck, most of my co-workers could tell me hours of stories. It helped hearing them too. Knowing I wasn't crazy for standing up for myself. 

The thing though....is I don't know if they realized how much it's tarnishing their relationship with their own son. Don't get me wrong, he still loves his family to death, but every time they do or say something to me, it only makes him not want to be around them. If they are reading this, this isn't me threatening you, it's me telling you what's going on. I don't want it to be someday where I can't be around them, but parents on both sides need to start realizing that we are not 13 anymore. We may still be young but we aren't dumb. We know what we want and what's best for us. Yes, I still have to call my mom or dad for advice, but it doesn't make me a child because I do so. We're growing up...let us. We don't need rules or conditions. Just let us grow. 

My parents brought me up to be a very independent person and not allow people to walk all over me...and I don't. I may still need my mom sometimes, but she also understands that I need to go out and figure things out for myself. I thank her for that. My dad may lecture me all the time, and sometimes I need it, sometimes I don't. But at the end of the day, he still let's me be me. 

So today I think about (despite the fact it's a weekday), would we be there celebrating this occasion? I want him to be there for everyone, but he doesn't want to be there if I don't feel welcome. And for me, honestly, I feel like they need to get used to us not ALWAYS being there because in the future when we have our own jobs and family, we might not always be able to. It's a complicated topic and we're still figuring it out. I want good relationships between us and both of our families, I do. I think people believe I don't try but I do. I try all the time.

Goals and Dreams

Goals and dreams...something everyone has in their life. Some change as time goes on, some stay with you forever. And then there those that have changed for you, but to others, believe are still there. 

When I was about 14 years old, I stated that my ultimate goal in life was to buy the New York Yankees, just so I could run them into the ground. It's something a lot of people have gotten a good laugh out of over the years. So, obviously, as I got older, people have always TOLD me that my goal is to work in sports. I mean, yes, sure, that it my dream. I would love to work in sports some day. Absolutely. However, is it my #1 priority as of right now? No. 

When I came to college, I started off as an accounting major, wanting to become a CPA someday. Man, was I wrong. I wasn't really any good at my accounting classes, and honestly, I had no passion for it. I ended up switching my major to marketing about half way through school. Thankfully, a lot of the core business classes were the same, so I'm happily graduating on time this Spring. So, now I'm in the process of that dreadful job search...

"We're looking for someone with experience." The same line I've heard over and over from HR people. I just keep thinking to myself, "how am I suppose to get experience if no one will give me experience???" It's frustrating and kind of defeating at times. And then, it gets even more difficult trying to defend my choices to other people. I'm looking to stick around Winona to stay close to my boyfriend, Nicholas. He has a few more years left in school. 

Automatically when I tell people that, people automatically assume I'm giving up everything for a man and he's forcing me to stay. It's quite the opposite. He's the one constantly telling me that if I needed to leave for work, then he would support me and following me in a few years. However...staying here is MY choice. We did the long distance thing at the beginning of our relationship. I HATED it. So, why is staying around Winona so bad? It's a good town, and I have access of other surrounding cities I can work in. I need that experience anyways right? That's what I can do down here. Get experience so when he does graduate and we might have to move, I have experience to get a job more towards what I want. To be honest, I don't really know what kind of job I want right now. I'm still learning about myself. Your first job isn't always the perfect one anyways. 

To be perfect honest too...the perfect job isn't my #1 goal. Want to know what is? Being a mom. I may be years away from that, but down the line, that's what I want to be. I've always wanted to be a mom, have a big family, and be that sports family. Haha. There are things I know need to be done before thinking about kids, but don't be fooled. I would choose my family over any job. 

Then, there's the opposite side of the spectrum. There are a lot of people out there that believe I am holding Nicholas back. When he chose Winona State, everyone assumed it was only because of me. WRONG! People didn't want to believe that though because he didn't chose a school they wanted just so he could play football (even though both of those school's teams aren't very good fyi). He had a bad shoulder though. A torn labrum. He was constantly in pain. Now, he has it fixed and it's been so amazing for him. However, the best part of him coming here? His education. He's received so many opportunities while being down here. Working in elementary schools, coaching, you name it. So many good things for him. But people only see what they want to see. 

Everyone believes we hold each other back, when in reality, we are each other's biggest supporters. We work hard at school to prove to those who told us our grades would slip. We each have our own things going for us, and are always there to encourage each other. This job hunt for me is stressful, and some days I just cry because I'm afraid I won't find something. He's right there telling me he believes in me and that it will all work out. That I just have to be patient. He's been offered some coaching jobs, and I'm right there pushing him to do it. It's what he wants to do: coach. Whether its high school, college, or professional. Wherever we have to go, that's what we'll do.
We will work as a team to accomplish BOTH of our goals. We're a team. We always will be. 

People say we are too young to be too serious. I don't think people want to believe that we can do this together. But I know we can. We push each other to accomplish our goals and dreams, no matter how many we have or even when they change every other day. We're there for each other. I hope others will see that and decide that instead of fighting our choices, they support them and cheer us on along the way. We will continue on no matter what people say or think, so it doesn't help them to bring us down. 

Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend.

The perfect and precise cut. The utmost best color. A sight so beautiful, it can bring tears to your eyes. A diamond IS a girl's best friend!!!

Oh...I'm sorry, did you think I was talking about that kind of diamond???? No no no. I'm talking about the OTHER diamond in a girl's life.

The baseball diamond. A sight I wish to see hundreds of times in my lifetime. The sight of that just cut of green grass, the smell of hot dogs and peanuts in the distance, and the tune of "Take Me Out To the Ball Game" playing in the background. This is where I'm meant to be. 

In the first post, I spoke of how my favorite quote to live by is from Yogi Berra: one of the greatest baseball players to EVER live! This is where I am quite different than most girls my age. Boys...I probably know more about baseball than you EVER will. Sorry. Haha.

My love for baseball came from my dad, who got it from my grandpa. In fact, my dad told me once about how my grandpa played with a guy that got a call to come down to the St. Louis Cardinals. That's a pretty cool story to have. In 2006, my dad took my little brother and I on our first of many trips. I had been to baseball games before, watching my beloved Minnesota Twins, but this was my first time ever watching a game in-person outside of the Metrodome. He took us to a Twins game in Chicago to U.S. Cellular Field to watch the Twins take on the White Sox, who had just won the World Series the year before. It was only the beginning for my love of baseball.

Every year from then on, we travel to a new ballpark to the watch the Twins. I've seen the stadiums of the Chicago White Sox, Milwaukee Brewers, Kansas City Royals, Cleveland Indians, Texas Rangers, Pittsburgh Pirates, Cincinnati Reds, Detroit Tigers, and the Colorado Rockies. Each an experience I will never forget. My passion for the game grew more and more. I learned as much as I could. Not only about the ins and outs of the game itself, but its history. I thrive on learning of past great legends of the game. Babe Ruth, Tedd Williams, Joe Dimaggio, Harmon Killebrew, Stan "The Man" Musial, Yogi Berra, so many to name, it'd take me forever. I literally sat for days watching the Baseball documentary Ken Burns made years ago. It fascinated me!

To many of my friends growing up, they didn't understand my love for the game. To them, baseball was the most boring sport to watch because nothing happened too often. I see it differently. Something new is always happening every few seconds...that is, if you are watching carefully. 

I saw something today on the Twins' Facebook page that it's down to 25 days until pitchers and catchers report to spring training. Makes me happy because I'm ready for baseball again. It's something that my dad and I can connect on. I could probably sit for hours with him and chat about baseball. In fact, a couple days ago, we had about a 30 minute conversation simply on the topic of the new Commissioner considering banning the defensive shift (which don't get me started by the way on that). It's also something for my mom and I to watch together on TV. It gives me a unique connection to each of them, because no offense to my siblings, but baseball just isn't your thing. Haha. 

So that's why I look to Yogi Berra so much for inspiration. Baseball in general brings me inspiration. Baseball allows you to see that it's ok to fail sometimes. Think about it...Ted Williams posted a .405 average in 1941, the last major leaguer to post an above .400 average in a single season. To achieve this, it still meant that only 4 out of every 10 at bats, he hit the ball. The other 6 times, he failed. Yet, he is seen as a great. That's what makes baseball amazing. There's so much going on in such a simple game. It's America's past time. When I met my boyfriend, Nicholas, I remember his great-grandma telling me that he was hard to talk to because all he talked about was baseball. I looked at her and went, "So?" It was the connection of baseball that brought us together and keeps us close. It's something in common we can all do together. I wish I could go to more games, and hope I can when I'm older and can afford it. Haha. I'd love to attend an Opening Day game one day too. Just one of many things on my baseball bucket list.

So, see....diamonds are a girl's best friend. Maybe not the diamond all girls want, but for me, it's better than any diamond jewelry. Counting down to Spring Training and Opening Day!

Bullying Doesn't Define You

I'll admit, I'm one of those people that during the day when I don't have my computer in front of me to write is when I have all this inspiration but as soon as I get in front of my computer...nothing...earlier today I tried to sit down and write and just couldn't get my thoughts together. I finally just had to tell myself that I don't necessarily have to have something exact to write about. This blog is meant as a way to express myself, so that's what I'm going to do.

Today, on my way to work, I heard a commercial come on. Now, I work in a second grade classroom as a tutor for my work study job at school. I'm not majoring in education  but it's a good way for me to earn some money and get away from campus a bit. Anyways, I heard this commercial come on the radio. It was an anti-bullying advertisement. In it, there were a variety of kids stating phrases such as:

"Today at lunch, I learned that I am loser. Today at school, I learned everything except the subject I was in."

The commercial hit home for me. Just a few days ago in my classroom, we had some guest speakers come in and talk about bullying. They did a little play for the kids and all I could think to myself was how easy they were making the stopping of someone bullying you. Now, I've seen and heard bullying already in second grade, SECOND GRADE...it's sad. As adults in the school, you do everything you can to stop it, but it happens. It happened to me....

Growing up, I was different from a lot of kids, girls especially. I was a big tomboy from a young age. When I was really little, I used to wear dresses and all that, but I grew up in a neighborhood mostly of boys, so that quickly changed. I was super into sports and heck, even in elementary school wished I was a boy at times because it just would have made life easier. I was the one playing football with the boys and was the tough one. I didn't and still don't let people push me around and I wasn't afraid to stick up for myself. Of course, as you go through school, your labels stick with you. I never really outgrew the whole tomboy thing, so guys never really saw me as a girl they could like or date. Girls on the other hand either 1) were scared of me, 2) made fun of me because I didn't primp myself, or 3) Use me as their "bodyguard" type. I was made fun of all the time. I was the scapegoat and the easy target. I still remember the names I was called, by both guys and girls. Most of the time, I could roll it off my chest, but I mean, I'm still human right?

I didn't have a ton of friends in high school. And the ones I THOUGHT were my friends, were the worst ones at digging into me. Sometimes I just ignored them, other times I fought back, which only motivated them more because I reacted to them. It really made me miserable during high school. I couldn't really escape either because all my school activities had all those people ready and willing to go after me. Looking back, there could have been so many things I could have done to stop it all or deal with it better, but that's the point of the past...you learn.

So, as I listened to that commercial today, I couldn't help but think of how true it was. I was a good student and all and I learned a lot in school, but yeah...most days I went to school finding out some new name people made up or what new they wanted to pick at me on. Was I perfect? By no means, absolutely not. I'm sure there are people I went to school with that thought I was a total and complete bitch. I wish that wasn't true but I know it is. That's why that commercial really hit home with me...

I was that person...the child speaking in the commercial. There were days I just came home and lied about my day or went up to my room and cried myself to sleep sometimes. But the very next morning, I woke up and put on a smile and faced those people every day.

As much as bullying exists and continues to exist, I don't think people realize...it'll never end. No matter how much you try, it's the nature of kids to pick on the weak and easy targets. What I learned from being picked on as I've looked back on my past...I came to a fork in the road...and I took it. Those people who targeted me didn't win...I still continued on with my life and hell, if I saw those people today, I'd probably say hello to them, wondering how their life is going. I do use it though as motivation. Those boys who didn't take a second look at me in high school, well....I didn't need them...I found my Prince Charming, and he loves me for all my quirks (plus, he loves having someone who's into sports just as much as him! Haha). To the girls who thought I was weird because I was different...I'm still different, and I use all those mean comments as motivation to succeed to the best of my ability.

Hearing that commercial today brought back a lot of memories...but it also made me see how far I have come since then. I think I have grown so much as a person in my time in college, and that's where it really counts. You never really do forget the comments people make about you...they stick with you unfortunately...but you don't have to let it define you. It's a memory for me...a reminder...so I never allow anyone else to ever do that to me again. So to all those people who picked on me growing up, this is my "F-you" to you guys. I am for sure not the same person I was back then, and in all honesty, you missed out on getting to know a pretty great person I believe. Of course, I am a little biased. You guys led me straight to a fork in the road...and guess what?....I took it!

Fork in the road? Take it!

Fork in the road, take it? Sounds like a pretty strange saying, I know. I didn't quite understand it at first either when I first heard it. "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." A wise quote said by one of the most influential baseball players in history. Yogi Berra. Normally, I would never look up a Yankee (damn Yankees!) but Yogi I can't resist. Not only for what he did in baseball, but all the inspirational yogi-isms over the years. It inspired me. While most people don't understand it, it made complete sense to me and has been my quote as I've gone through life.

To me, there's always going to be forks in the road. Pick way A or B and a situation C or D will occur. I've been through plenty of those moments in my life. Starting when I was young, it was the choice to choose basketball or hockey (which to this day, I still regret my choice!). At the end of high school, it was which college to choose. Then which major, which career, everything. Life became one fork after another! Now in my senior year of college, that fork in the road is a choice that I feel I have a million influences on me...and I just wish I knew which way to go.

 It's the whole reason I've decided to start this blog. With all the stress and decisions in my life, writing is my escape. Most people don't know this about me, but I love to write. Writing lets me escape and unload things that have been bothering me. As I was setting up this blog, I was trying to think of a creative name that wasn't generic but spoke to who I was. I didn't know what to put....then it hit me. 

"When you come to a fork in the road, take it." 

That quote that has been such an inspiration to me for so many years. Life isn't always about taking path A or B, but just to keep going and seeing where it takes you. I don't know if that's what Yogi meant by it, but that's my interpretation. 

So, it became official. Within this blog, I hope to write about not only about the present, but also the future and the past. So many people say not to look at the past, but to me, it's everything that has made me who I am today. The future may seem unclear most of the time, but I never lose sight of it. Whether or not this blog is seen by a million people or just one, it's worth writing. This is the start of something good for me. I've come to my fork in the road....and I'm taking it! Thanks Yogi!

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