Family Ties

Today is the 9th birthday of my boyfriend's little brother, David. 9 years old and has the energy of a lifetime. Obviously since both Nicholas and I are down at school, we don't get to see him, but we still make sure he knows we're thinking of him. It's hard ya know? I have one older sibling and a brother who's in his senior year of high school. We all grew up together and got to see each other's big moments. It's not a big deal when we miss certain things now a days because that's what distance and age does. Then there's Nicholas...he's also has a brother who's a senior in high school and then there's little David. A good 12 years younger than Nicholas. It's made it hard for us to make sure he knows that we'll be there for him as well, because as he grows up, we're not going to always physically be there.

It makes me think about the connection of families. I'm pretty close to my family (pictured). I talk to my mom practically every day and communicate frequently with everyone else as much as I can. Except maybe my brother. Haha, whenever I come home it's always "ugh, you again." I'll just say it's the teenage grumpiness that dictates that. Lol. On the other side though, I wouldn't say I'm as close to Nicholas's family. To be perfectly honest, I've always felt like they aren't too fond of me. Yes, they tolerate me and are nice to me, but they never really let me get too close. It's hard because I try really hard to make sure we are close to both sets of parents. And since Nicholas does have such a younger brother, I want to make sure Nicholas is there for his life events too. The thing is though...yes, they want him there...me? Not so much I think. 

From the moment we started dating, it's just felt awkward with me and them. I've always gotten the sense that they feel like I'm taking their oldest son away. When Nicholas moved down here for school, he has become more independent and not afraid to speak his mind. Is that partly because of me? Probably. I'm very outspoken and loud (if you ask my mother. Lol.) and have been out on my own a little longer. I never meant for them to feel like I was the enemy. But I am. 

I became the enemy because I wasn't afraid of them. I barely listened to my own parents, why would I let someone else's tell me what I can and can't do? When it comes to our relationship, Nicholas and I are the only ones that get to make decisions. There has been blow up moments between me and them, and all out WW3 sometimes. It's expanded to involve people that it shouldn't and things now seem tarnished. For a lot of people reading this, you know what happened, so I don't really have to explain. For those who don't, that's ok, I'd prefer if you didn't. 

So why write about this then? Well...honestly, because I'm tired of being silent about it. I know most people go through troubles with in-laws. Heck, most of my co-workers could tell me hours of stories. It helped hearing them too. Knowing I wasn't crazy for standing up for myself. 

The thing though....is I don't know if they realized how much it's tarnishing their relationship with their own son. Don't get me wrong, he still loves his family to death, but every time they do or say something to me, it only makes him not want to be around them. If they are reading this, this isn't me threatening you, it's me telling you what's going on. I don't want it to be someday where I can't be around them, but parents on both sides need to start realizing that we are not 13 anymore. We may still be young but we aren't dumb. We know what we want and what's best for us. Yes, I still have to call my mom or dad for advice, but it doesn't make me a child because I do so. We're growing up...let us. We don't need rules or conditions. Just let us grow. 

My parents brought me up to be a very independent person and not allow people to walk all over me...and I don't. I may still need my mom sometimes, but she also understands that I need to go out and figure things out for myself. I thank her for that. My dad may lecture me all the time, and sometimes I need it, sometimes I don't. But at the end of the day, he still let's me be me. 

So today I think about (despite the fact it's a weekday), would we be there celebrating this occasion? I want him to be there for everyone, but he doesn't want to be there if I don't feel welcome. And for me, honestly, I feel like they need to get used to us not ALWAYS being there because in the future when we have our own jobs and family, we might not always be able to. It's a complicated topic and we're still figuring it out. I want good relationships between us and both of our families, I do. I think people believe I don't try but I do. I try all the time.